Everyone is obsessed with Ari’s latest song and with good reason. It’s super fucking addicting…aaand also has a great message about how even if it didn’t work out with your ex, you still likely learned something of importance from them. This also applies to guys you hooked up, even if it wasn’t that serious, or at least that’s how I’m looking at it. There’s definitely been a few guys that I thought I was into (or just hung out with for the attention) that in the end helped me realize something; mostly that I just liked the attention more than them and needed to move on — I’m a gemini, clearly.
I, after two glasses of wine one night, had the (dumb) idea to reach out to a few of these lucky contenders and get their thoughts on whatever had happened with us. I’m aware that I’m a psycho and weird but you gotta do what you gotta do for the content, amirite?
Victim Guy 1: Luke from Lasell
Luke has been asking if/when he would be featured on here. Well, here’s your big break. I don’t even know what to categorize Luke and I under: we never slept together and we never even slept in the same bed. It’s actually pretty funny how it all started but let me back up.
Luke was a year younger than me and I met him when he was a freshman and I a sophomore. He hung out in the same group as my friends. He was from Boston, accent included, and was a typical Boston guy: owned every New England sports team gear imaginable, drank a lot of beer, and chain smoked. He was only slightly taller than me, with dark brown eyes and short, brown hair with a scruffy beard.
On Valentine’s Day. my sophomore year, the school set up this absurd Valentine’s Day dinner in the cafeteria, The lighting was dim, there were pink and red flowers and balloons EVERYWHERE. There was a fondue station with every option of food to dip into it. It was overwhelming to say the least, especially when you’re single and don’t care about that. My friends and I, being us, decided to just buy a box of Franzia (It was college, it’s allowed!) and drink to being single. This was also on a random Wednesday night but hey, college, yeah?!
A few hours later I was scrolling away on Facebook when Luke messaged me asking what I was up to. We had never really talked outside of the group before but I was pretty tipsy at this point and didn’t think much of it. I invited him over and shortly after, my other friends left and it was just us alone. I don’t remember the timeline but at some point he kissed me and it was a very drunk, very sloppy kiss. Eventually we got into a rhythm and it was normal but it definitely was an awkward first kiss.
I didn’t know it that night but would soon learn that Luke had a rule of “No Sleepovers.” Like, talk about feeling like you’re the star of “Pretty Woman” after fooling around with a guy in his room after a party at 1 a.m. and then he asks you to leave… I don’t remember being a psycho or clingy but apparently I came off desperate AF. See for yourself:
“You were very eager to please to get an opening into a potential relationship. While I was there I enjoyed the time but I could sense a wantingness to be in a relationship. At the time I wanted a quick hook up and that satisfied it but overall I felt you were looking for love in the wrong places.
Why pay a shrink when I have Luke, right? To be fair, I remember drunkenly texting him a lot one night but that was pretty standard. And also to be fair, Luke was probably right. I just wanted attention from all of the wrong people and places instead of focusing on myself.
Obviously, Luke and I did not keep our weird hangouts (NOT SLEEPOVERS) going on for much longer. I had to find new people to make new mistakes with.
Victim Guy 2: Reed from Rutland
I went to high school with Reed and we were in the same grade but we never hung out with the same crowd. I think he hung out with the popular/stoner/snowboarding crowd but it was so long ago — one of those. His usual look back then consisted of a Polo shirt, dark straight legged jeans, Sperrys, and a backwards INSERT SNOWBOARDING BRAND HERE hat with his wavy brown hair pouring out of the sides.
I had a few classes with him throughout the years but I was super shy (before I knew alcohol made you social!) and definitely didn’t go out of the way to talk to people, especially guys. I only really started hanging out with Reed when I was home from college during Summer before junior year. My best friend from high school, Hannah, and I hung out at our friend Chip’s house every night that break, and coincidentally so did Reed. (Fun fact: there was a huge Thrifty sign outside of his house –don’t know why — so everyone referred to it as going to Thrifty) One night there Reed and I were on Chip’s deck and I was sitting on the ledge (probably 30 feet up) and I remember him kissing me before me almost falling off said ledge. God, that would have been bad. Anyways, I guess that’s the romantic meet cute of him and I.
I had just stopped seeing this guy I was really into and was feeling insecure and upset so naturally I fed off any attention given to me. Reed and I went on to hook up here and there. One time that really sticks out to me is when I had my dad drive Hannah and I to his apartment up in Pico (a mountain near my house) and when he brought me into his room there were literally seven beds… and he told me to choose which one. I still have no answers on that but hopefully assuming it was a furnished apartment when he got it. Anyways, nothing went further than a hookup with Reed and he was super chill and fun but basically it just fizzled out when I went back to school. And, from Reed himself, here’s what went down:
“…When it comes to high school I always thought you were a little shy and I don’t think we talked much but my first impression of you was you were quiet but cute. After high school when we were partying a lot, I do remember the night we made out at a party at Chip’s house and you were sitting up on the railing on his stairs and we were both super drunk and after the fact I was like wow if she fell off there when we were kissing it would have not been good. Idk if that’s what you needed but I hope it was helpful and that you’re doing well ”
Still so nice! And yes, thank god I didn’t fall off of a deck and die.
This post could probably be pages long. I spent a lot of time looking for the wrong things in the wrong places with the wrong people. Eventually down the line, and I mean reaallyy down the line, did I stop hooking up with people such as ones with no sleepover rules (please, do not subject yourself to that) and started focusing on what and who I actually wanted.
Also, thanks Ariana, for the girl power anthem and inspo.
-That psycho girl who reaches out to former whatevers for content✌️ (I just learned that that’s called the “Victory Sign” emoji, not peace sign. Interesting.